Antediluvian

“I wade in. I’ve always had compulsion to submerse myself, even when the ocean does nothing to welcome me. The water is the color and temperature of microwaved chicken broth. I lay back, the softness of my body holding me on the surface of the water. The waves are slowly building, stirred up by the first gusts of the looming storm. I’ve never seen it so windy here before.”

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Inadvertent Utterances of Sound (Causes of and Places Occurred)

“That time working as a production assistant on the overnight film shoot in Connecticut and the old, cheap white tennis shoes I was wearing got wet and stunk so badly that everyone could smell something awful, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell the stranger I was sharing a room with that it was my shoes that were causing the stink we could not identify. I poured hand soap on them in the bathroom. Nothing worked.”

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Nonfiction, Volume 9 Nonfiction, Volume 9

A Preliminary Theory on Kissing

“Was there more to the exchange? Did we talk more? Did we flirt? I don’t remember. I know I watched Emily and her red curls clamber happily into the back of a car and I told myself, as I told others when retelling the story, that to die with my friends would be preferable to walking back to the hostel and being abducted alone. The Young-Girl will never stop flattering herself for having "Common Sense.””

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The Great IKEA Incident of 2016

“ *Weeks later, Claus disclosed to the Altaposten—a newspaper located in his hometown of Alta—that the incident was not an incident at all but had all the elements to become one. During his interview, Claus explained that he “sat there and discovered all of a sudden that [the] use of the [Marius] stool could have unfortunate consequences for a man”. Cut the comedy out of the tall tale, and what remains is an eight-holed seat, posing a threat to lives and/or genitals. The safety of any naked soul who might contemplate the use of a Marius stool must take precedent. “

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Fiction, Volume 9 Fiction, Volume 9

100 Words

“It was Bobby’s fifth birthday. He blew out the candles except for one, which he then proceeded to throw in my direction, being that he thought that I had stolen his Special Day.”

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Fiction, Volume 9 Fiction, Volume 9

Self-Reflection

“I want to throw the bear in the garbage. But I consult my parenting book to make sure. The book says that under no circumstance am I to throw the bear in the garbage. Children, it says, must learn to appreciate the gifts they are given. “Living with the bear will teach your child habits of gratitude and self-reflection.”

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